Fughanna

07.05.09 / Uncategorized / Author:

Leave it to Rihanna to splash back onto this site in a big way. As if arriving at the Met Ball looking like a cater-waiter at a Dynasty garden party weren’t dramatic enough, RiRi then hit the shops in this:

[Photo: Splash News]

I treasure how much it looks like the people on the street are giggling at this, like they can’t figure out why THEY are all in coats or clothes with some level of insulation and yet Rihanna is wearing a naked corset. Maybe the heat from her boobs’ collective fury at being tamped down in this manner is keeping her warm. But my question is, how do you know if what you’re trying on is going to look good out in the real world? Does she have to unhook that thing any time she wants to test out a dress? Does she gauge the merits of a pair of pants based on whether they work when she wears them with one of Scarlett O’Hara’s old undergarments? To me, a girl who loves to shop but sometimes is deterred from trying stuff on based on how annoying it will be to undo my existing outfit, it’s about as practical as wearing a snap-crotch bodysuit to a frat party.

But far be it from me to comprehend the mysteries of Rihanna’s mind. Check out what else she wore recently:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I used to have a patio table made out of metal in the exact formation of those tights. Or are they just socks, when they don’t actually connect at your groin? Or just well-ventilated legwarmers? In fact, if Rihanna gets a buzz from wearing things that make me question the applicability of any existing fashion terminology, then she must be totally cracked-out on the power of this jolt — not only are the sock-tights (tighocks?) making my brain hurt, but her earrings appear to be doubling as a necklace. And her windbreaker is also a poncho, which she’s wearing with wrist-warmers. Everything is TWO THINGS, like she’s sending some sort of coded message. Or is just really, REALLY stoked about the Transformers sequel. Although surely that last thing is impossible.